Meet John Doe Dutch - The stranger in my bedroom

I am young, but John Doe Dutch is even younger. I think 6 years. But I like blond men and when this cocky kid wants to buy me a 'biertje' why should I say no? He is cute actually. Very cute. And so innocent. So we are in this crazy, dark, humid bar. It's totally cramped which is quite good. That allows him to come very close. Don't ask me when it started, but before I know it we start making out. Yummy...And has hair - I've never stroked such smooth hair! World and time is forgotten. I even forgot that I had company with me which complicates the story (at least I am thinking ahead for a moment) as she is staying at my place. Good grief, let's see what happens.

That becomes pretty aparent: ths place closes at around 5 in the morning (have we been making out that long?!). And I feel a bruise on my back (from banging my back against the bar while exploring my date for the night). So the three of us get kicked out (John Doe Dutch and my friend) and before I know it all three of us are heading to my place.

I love having liberal friends. So while she is getting herself ready in the bathroom, John Doe Dutch and I make her bed in the guest room (can you believe it, he pitched in?!).

I can feel it, we are both waiting until my friend dissapears, the he is all over me. Good that I have a stash of condoms pretty close. And also good that he's not a typical Dutch in terms of height, so he can show off his abilities while standing.

It's quite interesting. Hairy legs, but a chest as smooth as a baby. But he knows how to work his tongue and knows how to properly use his other body parts. But then again, he is young. So the show is over even before it really started. And before you even know it, he is back in his clothes and heading for the door. But I'm not complaining, the young and the restless.

Even though I pulled his drivers licence out of his back pocket several times to inspect, I wasn't able to catch his name (too dark, too many 'biertjes'). So the only thing I remember was the year of his birth and his employer. Actually, he works in the office building next to where I work. Let's see if we bump into each other...until today that hasn't happened...but Amsterdam is small, the day will come...

Meet Reid - kiss me not

Reid is the guy I met last Friday night. Actually, I wasn't even on the look-out. To be quite frank, I was hoping for someone else to show up at this Amsterdam hot spot. But what should you do when an overly communicative American spots you and just can't let you go? Thank you for the beers, by the way. And the interesting conversation (My sister had two abortions. Did you ever have an abortion?....hugh??!!).

Well as the hour turns late, the bar is closed and we are left to do nothing else than head home. As a gentleman he has the urge to bring me home. Ok, I already know what was coming, my mind still spinning around the other guy whom I was expecting and was actually looking forward to hook up with. But you just have to go with the flow. So I let dear Reid take me home. At my doorstep, he suddenly needs to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, right....you suddenly have to pee....

But what should you do? Can't let the poor guy use the canal. It's cold out and I don't appreciate my front yard being used as a toilet. So, in he goes, rambing on and on as we make our way up the narrow Dutch staircase which - of course - caused more comments by my new American friend.

Clearly, he has issues with flushing the toilet. I can hear the yanking of the string. Quite a deceptive mechanism as I can hear the fruitless yanking over and over again. But before I fear to hear the whole cistern come tumbling down, I hear the releaving sound of the flush. Of course more comments (I am surprised about the constant water flowing sound later on when he has left my apartment and notice that the guy has kept the faucet running full blast. Well done, guess the flush put you off, hugh?).

So before I know it, he is standing next to me, admiring the view of the canal and in a blink of an eye I've got his tongue in my month. Not that I dodn't expect a move like that. But it was so quick....and so wet. Well, Reid wasn't the most gifted kisser on this planet, to be quite frank. With his mouth wide open and his tongue trying to poke mine. Now this is something new ...

Lovely. So I called it quits. Kissing like that is a no-go! How's he in bed if he kisses like that? I don't even want to imagine!

So here we go. In his good old American way he rambles on and on, that he doesn't believe in one-night stands and just wants to make out. Yeah, right!

I give him the usual line about being tired. What should I say - you slobbering kisses disgust me and send shivers up my spine?! YUCK!

Now this is when the begging starts. How bad can it get? He even shoves a business card in my face which I take and pretend to be interested in.

Well, after long discussions, he's out the door. Bye, bye Reid. I pretend to be a nice girl and even try to connect with him on facebook. What I then discover is that he declines my request. Must have been a real blow to get so close but then be booted...